Friday, January 4, 2013

This care worn world

I’m sorry that I’ve been such a slacker lately in the blogging department. But you know, life is meant to be lived and not just spent blogging about it all the time. Not that I’m putting down any of us who do this – although I sometimes wonder if my friends and family think I’m a little touched in the head for writing regularly on a website for anyone to see.

So you should understand that when I don’t write, I've either got nothing that I think is worth saying or that something is happening in my life that I’d prefer not to share.



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I have had something in life that I have preferred not to share.

Today, my husband’s younger brother passed away. All I can say is that it hurts. It hurts so many people. He was only 52. He was loved by so many and left a wife, two children, a brother and his family, a sister and hers, and his parents who I can’t even fathom how much are hurting. One thing that has happened through all of this is a newfound respect I have for his wife.

Oh, I’ve always respected and liked her but I will say out loud right now that we had never actually been what you would call super close. Like hang out outside the family kind of close that I am with some of my other sisters-in-law. Does that make sense? But the love and admiration I have for her right now and the pain I feel for her is actually surprising me.

And it’s a nice surprise.

Except for the pain part of it.



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I’m sorry if I sound so . . . oh, I don’t know. Morose. It’s just that I've spent the past several hours pouring through my old photographs looking for photos of Rich and finding them but also coming across pieces of my own life that are making me feel very nostalgic.

I can’t believe how young we all were ~

I had meant to look through the photos earlier, just in case you know. But I was honestly and truly convinced that he would not die. And there was nothing I was going to do (like begin looking through photos for a funeral video) that would jinx his getting well.

So I didn't even think about it.



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One thing I know is that I will remember this entire day forever.


:   :   :



I’m also watching  Sleepless in Seattle and enjoying the last couple of days of my little Christmas trees before I take them down. Of course, this is all adding to the feeling of nostalgia.

Things will never be the same without Rich here on this earth.



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I have the nuthatch photos in here because Rich, like his brother, liked the birds. When I would visit him at the hospital in Philadelphia, I would tell him what birds were at our feeders. He had been there since the end of October.


There is no night without a dawning
No winter without a spring
And beyond the dark horizon
Our hearts will once more sing...
For those who leave us for a while
Have only gone away
Out of a restless, care worn world
Into a brighter day.
~ Helen Steiner Rice

Respectfully submitted,
123 Signature[5]

71 comments:

Brenda said...

I'm so sorry for the sorrow you are experiencing. As a lurker here who has never commented, I want you to know that your blog has a quiet calmness to it that is so enjoyable. I'm dealing with my father's extended hospital stay, and it's always refreshing to read your blog and look at the amazing photographs. I pray you and your family will have peace in the midst of the sorrow.

Michelle said...

Here's to that brighter day. (((HUGS)))

Country Girl said...

Brenda,
I had to respond to you here because your comment came up no-reply @ blogger.com in my e-mail. Thank you.
I hope your father is well soon. Please tell him I said a prayer for him. ~ k

Stella said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Your year has had quite a few challenges. I will hold you all in my thoughts and prayers. Stella Ann

Mr. Black said...

It is difficult to blog every day, as some people do. I don't know how they do it.

I think most people don't give it too much thought when someone doesn't post all the time. They just appreciate it when they see a new post in their "feed."

We're sorry that you are going through a painful time.

I dug out an old book of quotations (from 1922, about 1,300 pages long). There was page after page of quotations about death, but they all were very sombre and dark. I then went to the section labeled,"Heaven" and found this:

"We see but dimly through the mists and vapors;
Amid these earthly damps
What seem to us but sad, funereal tapers
May be heaven's distant lamps."

Longfellow

Carol E. said...

So sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family are closing in for tight hugs and comforting each other. These times are so hard, but there can also be some beauty, as you are finding. Be careful with yourself.

His Song to Sing said...

Oh so sorry for your family's loss. Praying for a "peace that passes understanding" to come to your heart.

BUSH BABE said...

Massive hugs... I know it was not unexpected, but this kind of loss is still always earth-shattering. My thoughts are with your husband too.
:-(
BB

Anonymous said...

Reading my big sisters touching blog this evening made me wish that our family lived closer. What really touched me the most was how thoughtful all the commentors were. One person who never comments and takes the time to try and give comfort to someone they don't know and they themselves are going through a difficult time and another who takes the time to go through different poems and finally comes up with something so simple. You can't go wrong with Longfellow. I just want to thank you all for caring enough to try and make my sister and her family feel better. Prayers said for all of you. Respectfully, Kate's little sister.

Yvonne said...

So sorry for for your loss....praying that you will all find some peace in your grief.

The Weaver of Grass said...

That verse at the end says it all. I am so sorry. As for blogging - where would we be without it? All those people out there on our wavelength and giving us strength and love at times like these.

Rural Revival said...

Saying farewell is never, ever easy but I know first hand that the loss of losing someone so young, has a terrible sting all its own. My heart goes out to your family, and may you find comfort with your memories and each other.

Beth said...

I am so sorry for your family's loss and pain. I wish there was some way or some word I could offer to make it better. The poem is beautiful and hopefully helps a little.

Cheryl said...

Dear Kate,
I wish I had the words to help. I don't. I'm not sure there are any. I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I'm sorry for your whole family. For now, I will keep you and your husband in my prayers, giving you strength as you go through this.

Country Gal said...

I am soo sorry for your families loss, 52 to young . It is hard I know all to well . Lovely photos . Lovely poem . Your family will heal it will take time but stick together and you all will heal and remember the good times !

Lee Owenby said...

So sorry for your family's loss.

Mental P Mama said...

Been sending my prayers as promised. Love you. Wish I were there to do something.

mrs mediocrity said...

I am so sorry. Life can just be so hard and so unfair sometimes.

There are no words to say that will help, but I am sending hugs.

xoxo

Jo Barnes said...

Another lurker - who doesn't comment (!). You dear sweet girl. You always make my day brighter when you post, however often that is. You are in my thoughts. And what a sweet sister too.

Country Girl said...

Thank you, Jo Barnes. Thank you. ~k

Daryl E said...

hugs ..

Chesapeake Bay Woman said...

I'm so very sorry, Kate. We are here if you need anything.

beth said...

kate....
you know i've been "with you" this past week and truly understand how you're feeling.....

the biggest prayers go out to you and your family as you all gather together.

we also watched sleepless in seattle last night....even though we've seen it a hundred times. every time though, i swear i see something i haven't noticed before and for that, it's worth watching a hundred more times.

here's a hug, a hot cup of tea and a cushy spot on the couch right next to me as we talk....xxoo

Gayle said...

I will be holding your family in the light.

Mary Ann said...

I'm sorry for your loss. May each new day bring you closer to peace and healing. May memories of your brother in law bring you joy and comfort.

Low Tide High Style said...

So very sorry Kate. I'm hoping you and Rich's entire family will find a way through the next few hours, days, weeks, months and years without him.

Kat

Emom said...

oh my.....such sadness is never easy...loosing someone, even briefly, well, stinks....as everyone of us that loves you, I am sorry.....isn't it interesting how photographers mourn? We pour over old photos, trying for a moment to hold them close again......smiles.....

Karen said...

ooooh,Kate.. I wish I had words that would actually do something. Know that I'm thinking of you all as you go through this difficult process of loss... :(

newmexicomtngirl.com said...

Kate,
I am so so sorry for your hurting. I wish you ease and grace dealing with this untimely part of life.
peace

angelcel said...

So, so sorry...You write so simply and beautifully about the excruciating pain of loss. It's a fitting tribute to your brother in law. x

JaneK said...

Oh, Kate... It is indeed a care worn world. I wish I had something profound to say but I don't. Just know that I am thinking about you and sending hugs that way. It is the ability to find a good thing amidst sorrow that keeps us from a never ending downward spiral of despair. I am glad that you have connected with your sister-in-law in a way that you hadn't before. I'm sure it means a lot to her. I can't imagine the grueling time these last few months have been.
Thank you for sharing..... Peace be with you.....

Candace said...

I'm very sorry for your family's loss. 52 is way too young. Thoughts and prayers for you.

Hilary said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It is never easy to lose someone you love. And I find that as I get older, it seems that we lose more and more.

Lili said...

{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

Diane Cayton-Hakey said...

Sending much love your way today and of course to Rich's family, your husband and all the lives Rich touched throughout his 52 Years on this earth. Xox. He was so young.

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

So sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and the family. Life is just so hard sometimes.
V

Carolynn Anctil said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Kate. 52 - so young. Perhaps the silver lining is the love & closeness you're feeling for his wife during this difficult time.

Kerri said...

So very sorry for your loss .....
I never know the right things to say in situations like this so I will say ....
I'm thinking of you and your family.

tania said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leslie @ Farm Fresh Fun said...

I'm very sorry for the loss to your family. I appreciate all you share here. Wishing you all brighter days in the year ahead. ((((hugs))))

Dianne said...

I was holding it together until the poem
although the bird was pulling at me, so small and vulnerable
as we all are in the universe

I am so sorry for your loss
hugs to you and your family

Lisa Gordon said...

Kate, I am so very, very sorry.
xo.

Need A Latte Mom said...

So Sorry.

Christie - Fine Lines said...

So sorry to hear of your family's sadness, Kate. Hope the coming days are brighter.

Had I known of your loss I would probably have postponed making you one of my choices for a blogger acknowledgement (it's called the Premio Dardos and is a way to appreciate fellow bloggers.) You can check my site for details. You may not be in the mood to participate right now, but I want you to know how much I gain from all your blogging efforts, (even in sad times).

GailO said...

Dear Kate
My heart and hugs go out to you and especially to your husband for this sad loss of brother and friend.

Donna S. said...

Sorry for your family's loss!! I love the "calmness" at your blog!!

Devon said...

I am so sorry for the loss your family is experiencing. I lost my sister in law in August and the depth of sadness was difficult, but eased in time with warm memories and a lot of time spent with family.

I will pray for you and all your family, may you feel peace in eachother.

Kay said...

Sending heartfelt sympathy to you all. Love and memories, may they bring you peace. From Oregon

Gayle said...

I am so sorry for your family's loss.

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Bluebird49 said...

Oh no. I am so sorry to hear of Rich's death, and you are right...his parents are certainly grieving hard--and his wife, oh poor dear wife! Losing my lifelong mate--I can't even imagine!
I'm sort of like you--I never really expect someone to die--I always think they'll pull through...but that isn't always life.
We just got word today that our dear cousin died this morning. This is life, isn't it.
Trudy

MaggieGem said...

Sorry for your loss... it's always difficult to lose those so close to us at such a young age. Prayers and hugs to you and your family at this time of sorrow.

missing moments said...

So sorry for your family's loss ... there are no word for this kind of pain. Just know you are in my thoughts and sending hugs. xoxo

Caroline said...

Oh my goodness Kate...I am so very sorry for your loss. 52 is very young...too young. A death is never taken lightly. Shit. Sending you big virtual hugs my dear...xoxo

Hilary said...

Big hugs to you, Kate. I'm so very sorry for your family's loss. You and yours are in my very best thoughts. Wishing you strength.

spindrift,maine said...

How this must hurt! I am so sorry to hear this news. Love from Maine--always here, any time. xo

WPgirl said...

You have every right to feel morose. So sorry for your loss. Your husband and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Lynda in Michigan

Helene Titsch said...

First...deep, sincere condolences to you and yours. Yes, these days will pass but getting through them seems like an endless journey. And the Steiner Rice poem is lovely...it is one I will have to hold onto. Peace and hugs to you XOXO

Anonymous said...

Okay, de-lurking. Kate, you and your family will be in my prayers.

Donna.

Country Girl said...

Oh, thank you so much Donna. And really, lurking is fine in my book.

k

sharon said...

Sorry to hear about your Brother-in-law. Life seems so short sometimes, doesn't it? Here's hoping your week is a little more brighter and your feelings a little more eased.

Julie Hargreaves said...

Beautiful photos

Annie said...

So sorry to hear the sad news Kate...there's not much one can say really, apart from that I am thinking of you and your families.

And as I said to two other bloggers who have lost family members over Christmas it is a surreal time to happen, when all the rest of the world is going about their holiday business.

My husband and my mother both died at Christmas time (many years apart), and it is never quite the same, but in a small way, the real meaning of Christmas is so much more important.

May God bless you both!!

Em Parkinson said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's lovely to hear from you when ever you post and i know what you mean about people wondering about writing but it can be a huge comfort I think. My thoughts are with you and your family. x

Crystal Jigsaw said...

Massive condolences to your family on losing an obviously very valued member.

I truly hope the year improves for you all.

CJ x

Kacey Pickens said...

Ah, Kate. I'm so so sorry. That is so rough, Especially so young. Just know I'm thinking of you and your families. Hugs.

thotlady said...

I am so very sorry.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my soul mate, my husband, in August from pancreatic cancer. He was only 57. I know the Lord is in controll of all, but the loss I feel and the loss your SIL feels is enormous. My heart goes out to all of you.

Country Girl said...

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. So sorry ~

Mary said...

Oh Kate, I'm just catching up on my visiting now. I'm so very sorry for your loss! xoxo

Merisi said...

Dearest Cate,
I am so sorry for your terrible loss.
You are in my thoughts,
much love,
Merisi