Thursday, February 19, 2009

I miss horses

I am not going to dwell on the fact that this will be the first spring in practically my entire adult life that I will not awaken to the sights and sounds of horses. I am also not going to let myself walk down the path of regret, because life is what it is.

Life is Subject to Change.

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I loved it when the sweet spring breezes blew through the open windows and the soft neighing of horses was the first thing I heard in the morning.

And if I'm feeling a profound yearning for these animals, then I can't imagine what my husband is going through. It's a subject we really don't discuss, but I think I know how he feels in his heart.

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How could you not miss having these little ones around you all the time?

This was my backyard last year. And in those woods were trails that enabled one to walk for miles.

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I am not sad. I am just saying that I miss this.

Foals are so very soft when they're little. I miss the smell of horses, I miss the sounds, I miss the babies playing. But most of all, I miss my husband the way he used to be. Supremely confident and at ease among this herd. And some day, some way, I am going to try to get him back into that world.

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Thanks for stopping by.

Until tomorrow, my friends . . .

45 comments:

Deb said...

They are beautiful creatures......I will also feel that longing when spring arrives. My Dad has two horses that I care for occasionally but it's not the same as having my own.
I buried my old horse two years ago. He was 43 years old and I was so blessed to have had him his entire life.
I hope you get your wish and get to enjoy all the things you love about them again someday :)

Deedee said...

I have never had the opportunity to live with horses or be around them on a regular basis, but from the limited experience I have had with them, I know they are noble, intelligent creatures with a sublime sweetness and beauty. I hope circumstances arrange themselves so that you can live with them again.

boylerpf said...

I know how you feel as I had to "farm" out all 5 of our boys when we moved from NC to the frigid Dakota plains. We were not going to be living on a farm and found them homes (interviewed and having to go through a rigorous application) with the caveat that if it did not work out they would come back to us no questions asked. My dressage show horse came back and it was one of the best days ever! I just was not meant to be totally without these incredible creatures. Just know how lucky your are to have experienced the beauty of smelling, watching and working with them.

Char said...

what beautiful photographs. I can understand how you miss them.

Ellen said...

George needs a pet - how about a horse?

I hope that you can one day soon return to living among the equines.

Laura said...

Yes, I miss them too, their sounds and smells, that velvety muzzle and warm breath, and those eyes...such magical creatures! I do miss them in the spring...but for some reason, I remember the autumn the most, maybe it's the smell of dried leaves that brings the memories back so thick. I had one when I was a teenager, rode several different mounts in my lifetime, and had many rewarding experiences, especially the time I helped to "reprogram" a former racehorse into a dressage show horse (he secretly loved to run, and because I knew this, I would take him to a special place to let him open up, there's nothing like riding a thoroughbred at full throttle, WEEEEEEE!) There is nothing like an equine friend. It makes me misty eyed thinking about them. I keep saying "someday"...but for now, I'll settle for going to the state fair and finding the nearest pair of perky ears who will let me bury my face into his neck to take a deep breath...

Hilary said...

We both seem to be in a nostalgic mood today, Kate.
Must be the season.

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

Horses are amazing comfort creatures. My daughter and her husband have 7 of them, and I still want one of my own even though I am a child of the fifties! I hope you can get your heart's desire!

Treasia said...

I think it's a sort of grieving process that you go through. I grew up around horses riding daily and when I moved and married I rarely rode after that. But I grieved for years after them. The sights, sounds, smells is just a comfort. I miss kissing my mare between her nostrils where the skin was velvety soft. Her eyes were like a newborn deers. Soulful, and had a look of surprise to them. She lived to be 28 years old. I did get to keep her for about two years before her passing. She finally got out of the mosquitoes and into a 25 acre pasture. I knew she died happy. But you still grieve.

45 and Aspiring said...
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45 and Aspiring said...

I have never been around horses much. But I loved the beauty of your photo and words. I feel your longing.

I don't mean to pry, but I am fairly new to your blog. .. have you shared why you don't have horses now?

My thoughts are with you. . . you seem to have such a creatively full life.

Chere said...

My thoughts and pray for you will be that your husband may one day return to work with horses. They are beautiful creatures. When you are with them they add so much texture to the air. Looking back is a good thing. That time is our memories.

Amy said...

Hi, I hope you can get your husband back into that world again- even if he doesn't get back in it as much as he was in it- just to be in it a little would probably do him wonders. Are you able to visit the horse farm you lived at? Just as a possible way to stay somewhat connected?
It was a great post Kate..

Barbara said...

kate...we have horses. i know how much comfort they bring me and also my husband. we lost our son a few years ago. i find myself just hanging out among them and their warmth. i wish your husband had some horses that he could just 'hang' with. not having to work them but just lean on. Also, they are what i want to see and hear when i wake and walk about. i know that other doors are opening for you both but that 'horse' door should never be closed.
bv

Natarojo said...

I can't imagine my life without horses. I still live on my parents property (In a lovely 2008 42 ft 5th wheel) to enable me to look after the horses day to day so my mom doesnt have to worry whats getting/not getting done. my backyard is Scoots paddock. I love it. I hope you and your husband can one day have that back.

noble pig said...

Such beautiful photos, I would miss them too. But you will persevere. I've never pet a foal, now I want too.

MindyLew said...

Missing a piece of yourself is a hard battle to go through - Changes are never easy!! Will be praying for peace to come to the both of yous. Hold on to the memories even though they may be painful - you will eventually find comfort in them.

Pony Girl said...

I imagine that springtime, when the foals are on the ground, is the hardest!
Now that horses are back in my life, I can't imagine how I went 17 years without them! ;)
Hang in there, I get the feeling you will be back around horses again....

KathyB. said...

The saddest part of this is your love for your husband makes the loss and pain of it so much more. I am sorry you must miss horses...

Torsdag said...

Yes I know what you are missing.
There will be a next spring with horses.
I' m missing living on a farm, at the sea, on a boat ......
But most I'm missing my wife, she is in hospital for several weeks about 400 km south from ous place.
Hartmut

High Desert Diva said...

Sweet post.

Daryl said...

Lovely post, Kate, and I have no doubt you will make this happen. Those colts are just so awkwardly precious

Sarah S. said...

I am with you on that. I LOVE them all the way down to my bones! They smell so good!

Mental P Mama said...

I love horses, too, and I have a feeling you will get back to them. Just a gut feeling.

Jill of All Trades said...

Just beautiful. I have always dearly loved horses and yearned for years to ride them. I've only ridden once in my life, for my birthday several years ago The Hubby arranged it that we all go and ride. It was awesome. I still love horses. What wonderful pic's.

The Weaver of Grass said...

We have race horses - mares and foals - all summer in a field next to our farm, It is the first time I have had anything to do with horses and am a little afraid of them - but their beauty is something else - and their eyes look so full of wisdom. Do hope you get back into horses soon.

Anonymous said...

Your post today brought tears to mu eyes. This is the first year since we moved here in 1972 that there are no horses on the farm. We sold them all last Sept. when my husband had lung cancer and could no longer care for them. My husband so looked forward to each spring when the new foals were born.He halter broke them and picked up their feet and had them accustomed to being handled. When he turned 75, I asked him to sell them so he could relax and do other things. He said NO,that they were his reason for getting up early each morning to check on them and feed them. Otherwise he would have no reason to get out of bed.I still own two that are in race training. The mare ran 2nd in a race last weekend. The colt hasn't started yet.I have watched several that we raised run and win in the past several months and I always cry.There is nothing more beautiful than a thoroughbred horse, or a newborn foal. I just hope someday your husband can get well enough to enjoy them again. Love, Doris

Woman in a Window said...

Gorgeous, gorgeous photos. And yes, to get him back there where he is most comfortable, most fulfilled, that is the dream, isn't it?
much love!

Deb said...

I'm a lover of horses too Kate. Beautiful post & images!

Michelle at Boulderneigh said...

I don't know the history behind this post, but can feel its pain most acutely. We have horses; my husband is an equine vet, but it would be me dying a slow death of we had to be without. This week I am waiting to hear from my horse's previous owner on whether or not she wants him back (long story). After I made the call last week I spiraled into a pit of despair, but I'm adjusting. We would still have two horses but neither of them are MINE; I can only hope time and circumstances will allow me to have my own equine soulmate again....

Deb said...

Yes, it is very sad not to have something you once loved dearly. I feel your pain. :::hugs:::

Tami said...

I wonder Kate...do you really have to be completely away from horses. Would it be possible for you and your husband to maybe do a weekend feed shift everyone once in a while at a local barn. Or maybe volunteer at a local equine retirement place or perhaps a equine rescue. Or a therapy facility. Somewhere that you would not be 'required' to be at....but could go when things with your husband were going well.

There is something healing about a horse. Maybe just maybe the right equine volunteer situation could be found close by. If you were in Western PA....you could come here any time, my retirees love being near people.

cottage farm villa (cottagecharm) said...

They are so beautiful. I look at horses outside my kitchen window everyday. Unlike you Kate, it is My FIRST time in my life. They belong to the farm behind me. I love the sight of them when the sun is setting and I see only their silhouette on the hill against the sunset! It is an amazing site! ~Cheryl

willow said...

Lovely pix! I'm hoping you both can get back into that world.

Hilary said...

I don't doubt that you will. I'll bet they miss him every bit as much. Beautiful critters.

Chocolate Cat said...

I have always been proud of the fact that I 'hated' horses! I think it was in fact that I was scared of them and didn't understand them and resented the time my Mum spent with my sister who did love them. Maybe it was to reverse this that my daughter is horse crazy and getting worse no matter how much we have tried to not encourage it! I have come to love horses , I am still scared of some of them and don't go too close but they have the most beautiful nature, they are pretty and they smell good with the sun warming their coat.( and if you ever tell the rest of my family I have confessed this.....). I understand why you and your husband miss them and I also know that one day they will come back into your life - maybe when you least expect it.

Sue said...

Beautiful animals...I can see why you and especially your husband misses them....but you still have George.

Debra (a/k/a Doris, Mimi) said...

I hope with all my heart that you find this kind of joy again, Kate. Both your photos and memories are things to cherish forever and always.

{{hugs}}

Leif said...

Kate,oh, darlin'...

it is so hard to love something and miss it.

I find the only way I can manage that feeling is to give myself full permission to feel the love,

and then offer love to the pain.

Wherever it is, and whatever is causing it,
instead of letting pain cause me to hurt,
I offer it love and comfort back.

As if to say, here, I know you, Pain;
have some of my caring and love.

If that helps,
Kt

flowrgirl1 said...

Horses have been my favorite since i was very little. My family had a few while i was young. I long for the day when i can add a few to my family. Once i have some land there will be horses too!

Your photos are so lovely. Check out www.userl.org. Its a rescue organization for horses. I volunteered for them last fall/winter. THey do wonderful things for these beautiful creatures.

Egghead said...

I agree that horses are so special. My heart is with you and Andrew. I know it is so hard and he is so lucky to have you. Beautiful photos Kate.

slaterlife said...

I know exactly what you mean about the smell and sound of horses. They are magical creatures and if I'm not around them, I feel incomplete.
I feel your loss, but I'm sure that someday, you will have the opportunity to be around them again. Life always finds a way.

Maria said...

Ohmygoodness. Those LEGS!!!!!

TSannie said...

Keep the faith, Kate. Good things happen to good people. And the three of you are good people....well, two of you are - the third is a very good doggy.

TSannie said...
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